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left work early

July 25, 2008

I left work at about 5:45 tonight.  This is unusual for me – usually I’m making phone calls, putting away files or emailing folks until 7 or so.   Tonight I was on a mission though.   Friday, the rockstar and I have two going-away parties to attend.  Both sad, but for people we adore.   Saturday, we leave early to drive south to my cousin’s wedding in my homestate.  So, I left early form work today and got some things accomplished.

I rode the subway for 20 minutes.  Stopping off at New Menka salon, my eyebrows were threaded beautifully for 5 dollars in a salon where everyone was speaking Hindi.  I then stopped at Patel Brothers.  I got 2 big boxes of incense (Shiva and Vishnu), a mango that reminds the rockstar of home, Kuma (or fried dough pieces sprinkles with sugar), and 2 small boxes of candied tamarind.

Afterwards, I walked 4 blocks to get a pedicure where everyone spoke either Korean or Spanish. 

In this hour and a half, not one person spoke English to me and I spent a grand total of $28.  My eyebrows and feet look amazing.  My Spanish is improving.  The rockstar, though processing her demons, was quite pleased with the treats I brought home to her.

She’s looking for new projects.  Listen.

10 Minutes

July 17, 2008








In about a week, the rockstar and I are invited and about to attend a heterosexual wedding.  My cousin is marrying his 5-year girlfriend and this wedding will happen in my homestate.

Said cousin and I have – well, tons of cousins.  As far as I know, I am the only one not allowed to marry.  Oddly, only one of the seven has gotten married and this cousin is the first to have a “real wedding.”  (One of us did get married and she did it w/o fanfare at the court house.) 

This cousin however is very religious.  The rockstar and I are pleasantly surprised that we were even invited.  In fact – when I made clear to his mother (my aunt) that the rockstar (who they have all met before) would be wearing a suit, cousin made sure to call me to tell me it was “OK.”

I do hope it is.

I have to be honest, I’ve never been a big fan of marriage.  A good lady (less of a friend due to distance, but very much a comrade due to how amazing she is) is getting married to her lady in DC soon.  Reading her blog, I am a bit more open to the idea.  Probably because they have chosen to do it religously and I respect that sort of thing.

I said it 8 years ago and I still like to say it today:  

I Won’t Marry. 

Unless, of course, the full federal rights of marriage apply to my union.  That’s not because I am necessarily patriotic or traditional.  (If you know me, this would make you chuckle out loud.)

It’s because my girlfriend is from another country.  Something I had not thought of 8 years ago. 

If I (we) were straight, I could solve this problem in the 10 minutes it takes to get to City Hall.  (And the money-fee it takes to apply for a “pink card.”)

What Is a “Fiancé(e)”?
A fiancé(e) is a person who is engaged or contracted to be married. The marriage must be legally possible according to laws of the state in the United States  where the marriage will take place.


gay gay gay! yay!

June 18, 2008








*Del Martin and Phyllis Lyons – California, 2008*

I have my own issues with gay marriage – but I have NO ISSUES at all with this.  So lovely.

See my youthful commentary:

(oh yes – 2000…)

Mature Disclaimer:  Marriage for immigration and/or health care purposes only.

If I had no class-based reason, I agree with my youthful diatribe (see above.)  But now that I’m over 30 and have the above concerns, I’m more than open to taking advantage of it.  I hate that!

Hate it!

I still wish we lived in a society (world) where none of your entitlements and/or benefits were based on who you (fuck) sleep with on a regular basis. 

Fuck the Establishment. 


road trip!

June 18, 2008

So the rockstar and I are gonna go south tomorrow. 

We leave sometime in the mid-morning and make it south of mason-dixon line by early afternoon.  We visit my brother, perhaps some friends if we can make it – and likely stay overnight with my momma and stepdad.

That house is sad right now because they had to put down one of their dogs.  Elvis was his name and he was a sweetheart.  He wasn’t very old, but had a cancer that was making his life unbearable.

My momma’s not taking it too well.  I did buy her something, though it’d be hardly called a mourning gift.  Honestly?  It was a box of a new sort of cereal I thought she’d like.  Call me silly or practical or what you will.  I can’t help it. 

I haven’t seen her since Easter.  The rockstar?  Since xmas.  This visit will be quick because we are on our way  – waaay south.  Like Georgia-south.  That’s about as South as the rockstar has ever been (as far as I know) and we are damn excited.

While there, we get to see REM and Modest Mouse and The National.  We are beside ourselves with this impending joy – so much, we are forgetting how much those tickets cost.

Speaking of that, we are also forgetting how much gas costs (and how much the maintenance appointment for my car costs) and we’re just taking off. 

For the rest of the summer?  It’s NYC and Long Island beaches for us.  Specifically Jacob Riis Beach and Long Beach and perhaps a jaunt to Fire Island. 

As for my mother.  I’m glad I’m going to see her.  I’m not so much looking forward to a rural household overtaken by gloom – but I’m hoping for the best.  They do have a swimming pool.


awake and listening

May 31, 2008

I am awake at this hour.  It may be that I slept and woke.  It might be that I could not sleep and am still awake. 

Does this matter?

I wonder about the music that plays while I type.  Yeasayer, Joan Jett, My Morning Jacket, Gold Streets, Renminbi, Swati, Yes, and CocoRosie.  I can’t pretend that this music does not hurt me.  Or heal me.  Or make me feel nothing.

I’m not really wondering. 

Just happens that these are the people who play the music I have recently added. They play in some random order that I have devised.  Without thought, without meaning.

That reminds me.  I saw a man on the subway this morning who reminded me of my soul.  A man I have known for years that I regret not really knowing anymore.  I’ve always thought that I have no soul, but this guy – he reminded me that I probably do.  That I have the kind of soul that kicks and screams, yet loves and holds.  He asked intimate, important questions.

Questions about the woman.  Not just Me The Woman, but  The Woman Outside. 

The Woman who makes up my soul. 

No, she’s not a g-d, but she is what I think about as I lay down to sleep every night.  Even when she’s not yet beside me.  Even when she’s still writing, wondering, thinking.  Or drinking, eating, seeking outside. 

She makes me feel. 

I am not awake.  I am not asleep.  I am here.  Just here listening and remembering.



May 15, 2008

That’s my girl.  Check out her writing:


April 8, 2008

The rockstar and I have been giving it a lot of thought over the last few months.

We used to just fantasize about how they’d look (though that is a lot of fun), but now we do that and also imagine how one or two might fit into our lives.  You see – we’d have to plan them given that we are two women and don’t see any man-sex in either of our futures to produce any accidental babies.

We talk about the various options from time to time – from whom? how? when? – and sometimes I envy those hetero folks who just “whoops, we made a baby” even when it isn’t planned.  Why?  Quite honestly – given the line of work I’m in and the dead-end job she has… It would be hard as hell to justify at this point.

Maybe we will move back to Baltimore one day and see this out – until then, I guess I’m hoping I get knocked up from lady-sex.  Ha!

But really – I’m not holding my breath.  But I do see us with a backyard in Staten Island or somesh*t – and there’s some wild basil (and/or flowers) growing between the legs of some wild-haired child lucky to get us as co-parents.

September 6, 2007

The girl is at band practice and I just got home from work at 8pm.  I’m half looking forward to and half dreading a job interview tomorrow.  I know it must be time for a change, but the prospect of change, as usual, terrifies me.

play some didge

August 30, 2007

I’m still wondering.

What will my life be like
when I stop?

the hustle hustle hustle
the cry cry cry
and the cry and the hustle
and the tears and the beg and the cry
and the goddamn hustle that never ends?

That is what I do.
You have No Fucking Idea.

I’m a lawyer in the least sense
but an advocate in the most sense
Maybe you’re lucky.
Don’t you have the tears and the beg and the cry that follow
your waking
into your sleep?

If I keep doing this,
I could technically play that goddamn song on a loop
for the rest of my goddamned life.

Hustle and Cry.  Cry and Hustle. 

I try to get out and then I hear children’s voices. 
Inside and out…side of me. 

The next song.

“I Like Fish and Mango Pickle”

Tell your Dude. 

(your dude might be playing hard 
her drums in the basement
she will surely tell the mama
the mama who is making whatnot and emily-salad upstairs.)

That is crazy future talk.  But goddamnit –
  their Dude will have a basement
(with egg-crate siding or whatever)
to play her drums every goddamn day.  Those kids
will not live in a place that their Dude
  does not have that kind of space.

Their Dude will play her drums freely. 
  And those kids with their mama and their Dude?
(Fuck you)

They will play freely.