My hair is getting entirely too long. It’s at that point where if I’m lying around in bed, it gets caught in my armpit. I have somehow decided that a woman over 30 should not have hair on her head that gets caught in her armpits.
She just shouldn’t.
There is always a caveat. I mean, unless she is a fucking amazing hippie woman who doesn’t give a shit, an actress or rockstar or banshee or what-have-you, cavewoman hair is not acceptable. But I am none of these things – urges to become “fucking amazing hippie woman” when I give birth squatting like a a native woman aside…
I need a goddman haircut.
Given my tendancies to worry about things like face-shape and general laziness, I am tempted to just shave my whole head. I’ve been told I’m pretty, so maybe it might creat a GI Jane sort of look – and at the very least, a draw for dykes looking for a pretty butch over 5’7″. (Or dudes who like that sort of thing…you never know, right?)
In addition to my armpit rule, I also know that short hair is not so flattering to the thicker gal. Over the last few years, I’ve put on a few more pounds than I like to admit. It’s not all bad, I mean, I have bigger boobs and have mantained a smooth complexion. I just wish I could chop all this fucking hair off and not take 15 minutes to dry it after every shower. I can’t though – given my rules – and I know that cavewoman hair looks better than a bob on this “frame.”
Perhaps I’ll go with bangs. Maybe it’ll give me a Bettie Page mystique. She wasn’t a size 6 or anything, right?
Most likely though, I’ll just get a trim and act like it was wonderful and wait for it to grow out into the cavewoman/amazing hippie woman who doesn’t give a shit stage.
That’s just the kind of woman I want to be. A banshee, OK?
i like fishes 